


In Which Five Just Wants To Drink His Coffee

by Monsieur_Grenouille



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Gen, Number Five | The Boy Has Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:28:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24096607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monsieur_Grenouille/pseuds/Monsieur_Grenouille
Summary: Klaus can’t get enough of Five’s little body.NOT AS NSFW AS THAT SOUNDS
Comments: 6
Kudos: 97





	In Which Five Just Wants To Drink His Coffee

**Author's Note:**

> I liked how much kudos and hits my last umbrella academy fic got, so I’m writing another one. I’m used to only getting around 60 hits after a week, and this has just been a blessing to my self esteem. I know what you’re thinking: “that boy is an attention whore.” Well, sir, you are CORRECT.

Klaus always found it amusing when Five would sit at the kitchen counter and drink his morning coffee. It was even funnier when he would read the news at the same time. Klaus knew he wasn’t supposed to laugh at it, since Five was technically a middle aged man, but it just looked so funny. 

One morning, Klaus walked downstairs to see Five sipping at his coffee, reading the news, and– “Are those _reading glasses_?” Klaus giggled. 

Five nodded and kept reading. “I don’t see the problem,” he deadpanned. 

“Do you want me to pick up some elastic suspenders while I’m at the store today?” Klaus snickered and leaned against the counter. “It’d add to your aesthetic.” 

Five growled, “I don’t have an aesthetic, and I’m not letting you go to the store by yourself. I’m just an adult man trying to drink my coffee and read my newspaper. Is that too hard for you, little kid?” 

That sent Klaus over the edge. He started laughing extremely loudly, holding onto the counter so he didn’t fall onto the floor. Tears started to leak from his eyes as he wheezed and gasped for air. “Oh, God, you’re a riot!” he giggled, “Wait til Ben and Diego see you like this!” 

Five sighed and buried his head in his hands. “I don’t know if you’re extra high this morning or whatever, but I _always_ look like this.” 

Klaus pushed a curl away from his eyes. “N-No, I get that. I know what you look like. It’s just weird when you still act like a crotchety old man and expect us to see it the way you do. Remember the bowling alley? You scarred that kid.” 

Five set down his paper. “I’d still rather chew off my own foot.” 

“Exactly! You sound all emo and mysterious. And... and not mysterious in the hot way. You’re just creepy, okay?” 

Five groaned and threw his paper at Klaus. “I am _not_ going to take advice like that from a twenty year old man with eye liner and a skirt!” 

Klaus shrugged. “Good for you. Ben, are you getting this? He’s in Captain America mode.”

Ben was sitting on the counter. “He really is,” he replied. 

Five had the most confused look on his face. “Captain America? Is that what you call me when I act my age? Why?” 

Ben and Klaus exchanged a look, then chuckled a little. “You know how Captain America is from the fifties or forties or something, but he looks like he was born in 1983?” Klaus began.

Five nodded. “What does that have to do with me?”

Klaus cleared his throat. “Yeah... you get like that. Normally when you go off on a tangent about how life was when you were in the future. You often mansplain time travel to me a lot. Do you ever forget that we were born on the same day?” 

Five shook his head. He stood up, got off the barstool, and put his mug in the dishwasher. He stood on his toes to grab the collar of Klaus’s tank top, yanking him down to eye level. “Listen here, you moron. I did not travel to the future, running away from two hitmen, talking to no one but a mannequin, just to be _mocked_ for my physical form.” 

Ben clapped a hand over his mouth to hide his expression from Klaus. Klaus thought of this as the funniest thing Five had ever done, but knew that he was screwed if he even smiled. Thusly, he kept a blank face with all he had. “I-I’m sorry, Five. Please let me go, and I won’t make fun of your thirteen year old body ever again. Even if you never grow it all back.” 

Five grimaced and released his hand. “I don’t need your empty promises. You owe me a favor.” Five shoved a glass into Klaus’s hand. “Make me a cup of coffee.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Klaus with a Twitter account...


End file.
